The Box that Changed Her Life

 The bell rang jolting Nikki out of her sleep. This was the best sound Nikki had heard all day. The bell that couldn't come soon enough. This was the best bell, this was the bell to her freedom!

Nikki grabber her bag, flipped up her hoodie and headed to the door. She just wanted to slip into the hall and out the door. The ultimate escape from the hell that is high school. 

She was just about out the door when she heard it.

"Hey Nikki, can I talk to you for a moment." 

She stopped in her tracks, rolled her eyes and headed back into the classroom. 

"What's going on Mr. Larson?" 

Nikki looked at the floor. She already know what was coming and the last thing she needed was another adult telling her how she felt and should feel. 

"Nikki, please look at me, you're not in trouble. I'm just concerned about you. When the school year started you were so confident and loved to participate in class. But recently you are so withdrawn. I don't see you with any friends and it's my understand from talk with your other teachers if you don't start putting in an effort you're going to have to go to this summer."

Nikki was exhausted, she was so sick and tired of only hearing about her failures in life. Over the past six months it felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. She had tried talking to her friends and even her parents, but eventually she got the impression they were all over listening her whine about her life. It was easier to just keep it to herself and keep everyone out of her life. The last thing she needed was a fucking teacher telling her what to do with her life, it was her fucking life. 

"Look Mr. Larson, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine, really it's just teenage angst." 

She gave him a small smile, and started to turn towards the door. Inside she wanted scream, she just want it all to be over. The noise, the pain, the crushing feeling inside she got every time she took a breath. She want it all to just be over. 

"Nikki, before you go I want to give you something." 

Mr. Larson opened his bottom desk drawer and pulled out a shoe box. Nikki was very confused. 

'Why is the grown as man giving me shoes?!' she thought to herself. 

"It's not shoes."

Larson said noticing the look on Nikki's face. 

"Please take the box. I think what's inside will really help you. No pressure on when you open it, but at least take it with you. You can put it under your bed and take the weekend to think about opening it."

Nikki didn't understand why this box was so important, but Mr. Larson was insistent on her taking it and frankly she just wanted this who conversation to end, so she took the box from his hands.

She headed to the door, box in hand. As she walked out of the class room all she could manage to say was 

"Thank you Mr. Larson, good-bye."  

Nikki was late and she just wanted to get home. She hated being outside her bedroom. It felt so unsafe. At least when she was in her bedroom when her thoughts became so loud and started to overtake her mind she could sleep until the noise stopped. But Nikki wasn't worried about the noise today, she wasn't worried about anything, because today, after months of pain and anguish that no one believes existed would finally be over. 

She walked into the house, grabbed a Coke from the fridge and the gallon of milk that was in the side door. She was alone and didn't expect her parents to be back until late Sunday night. It was their yearly pilgrimage to wine country. A long weekend them with no distractions or interruptions. Nikki thought it would be best to do while they were away. Less difficult and this way they could come home and it would just look like she passed away in her sleep. 

She went about her normal routine, didn't want to leave a mess for anyone to have to clean up outside of the obvious. She headed upstairs before realizing she'd left the box on the kitchen counter. 

"Crap the stupid box!"

She quickly ran to the kitchen, grabbed the box and headed for her room.

"Why was Mr. Larson so insistent I take this damn thing?"

She really didn't care about the box or what was inside. Besides after tonight it was all a mute point. Nikki slid the box under her bed. She changed into her favorite hoodie and sweats, put on her Spotify playlist and crawled into bed. She took her time writing her letter to her parents. She apologized for being a bad daughter, for letting everyone down, and for giving up. She apologized to her friends and explained why she pushed them away and she apologized to herself, for being a coward and an all around loser. 

Once she was sure she had gotten everything onto paper that she needed she put the letter in an envelope and labeled it 

'Read Me'

Nikki went over her mental check list. She was ready. She opened up her side table drawer and took out the bottle of pills. She had been taking her mother's anti-represents and sleep aids for months until she had enough to get the deed done. She opened the Coke and took a sip. She loved the flavor of an ice cold Coke-a-Cola and wanted to remember that as she slipped into a deep sleep. She then took a drink of the milk before taking her first two pills. She read the milk would coat her stomach and stop her from puking up the pills. She continued the process. Coke, milk, pills, repeat. 

She was trying so hard to just let it all go, but she had this nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was like the box was calling out to her. She couldn't stop thinking about it, like she HAD to see what was inside. She tried to ignore it, continue with her routine, but the urge to open the box was too strong. Nikki got out of bed. She was unstable, despite the obsessive need to open the box, the pills continued to do her job. She dropped to her knees and reached under the bed.

She could feel something was off, she wasn't just sleepy, she was having a hard time focusing, breathing, even moving was becoming a problem. She pushed through, grabbed the box and ripped the top off. It took her a minute to focus on what she was looking at. Before she even realized what was happening tears rolled down her face. The box was filled with pictures, letters and other items that had special meaning to Nikki. She picked up the note lying on top of the stack. 

"Nikki, you think you're alone. You think no one cares or want's you in their lives, but you couldn't be more wrong. You are important and we all hear you. We might not understand how you feel, but we're here for you, to listen, to cry with you, to scream with you and to get you the help you need. This box contains pictures and letters from your friends, family, teachers and those who life you have impacted.  We want to show you how much we all need you in our lives. Our lives would not be the same without you in them."

Nikki was so sure no one cared or wanted her around, but she was so wrong. There was a light for her to follow, a way out that didn't mean death. She grabbed her phone and dialed 9-1-1 just before passing out. 

This time it wasn't a bell that startled Nikki out of her sleep, but a beeping noise. She was confused and it was hard to make out where she was. It took a moment before she realized she was in a hospital bed. She felt a warm hand grab hers as she looked up to see her parents and Mr. Larson standing besides her. 

"Nikki my love, thank god you're away. We weren't sure you would wake up." 

her dad whispered as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.   

Her mom, coking back tears mustered the strength to explain what happen to her.  

"Sweetheart, don't try to talk, you have a tube down your throat. They had to pump your stomach and put you on a ventilator. They didn't know if paramedics had gotten to you in time and what sort of long term damage there might be."  

Nikki started to cry. She pointed to Mr. Larson and motioned for pen and paper. Her mom handed her the white board and marker the nurses use to write their patient's vitals. She started writing.  She turned the board around showing everyone. The board only had two sentences, but for Nikki's parents they were the best two sentences they've ever ready.  

"You saved my life, thank you. I think I need some help."