300 Days of Hope

 I sat there staring at my glass of cheap whiskey. I watched as the ice slowly melted into the amber looking liquid. It was a shit day. And now I am sitting in this shit bar looking at this shitty glass of whiskey while people drink themselves stupid, getting angry at their sports teams and trying to forget how miserable they are.

I kissed my kids and wife good-bye this morning as I headed out to work. I count my blessings this year, even in the middle of a global pandemic and recession that rivals that of the 1929 Great Depression. You see, last year I crashed my car into a tree going 80 mph. I walked away without a scratch, but when the police arrived, they could easily see I was drunk and my B.A.L was double the legal limit. I found myself in a jail cell with major legal problems. My wife had enough of me and the bullshit. She took the kids and left. She wouldn't even tell me where she was going. At that moment I knew if I didn't deal with these demons I would lose everything.

My lawyers advise I should plead guilty. They said with this being my first offence and since no one was killed, they wanted to argue rehab and probation was the best course of action. The judge agreed. I left for rehab that night. It was a very long and hard 2019. But the idea of losing my children and the love of my life was too much. I wasn't the suicide type, but my therapist pointed out the excessive drinking, the driving drunk and going head first into a tree at high speed, I was trying to kill myself. It was like a light bulb went off and for the first time I could see how angry I was and that I was the only one who could fix this situation.

After six month's in rehab and being 100% clean I was slowly repairing my relationship with my wife and my children. We were doing okay. I found a new job and was doing very well, working my way up the latter. My children were happy and healthy, despite the world outside. I was feeling confident. Like I have finally in control and on a good path. At least until this week. Everything went south. The stock market crashed and we saw out little nest egg disappear. Our savings took a major hit when we found a a huge leak in our house and even with insurance it would cost a pretty penny to repair. But I was confident we would survive this. We both had our jobs.

It was like the moment the thought left my brain the universe decided to act. I walked into work this morning to find out I was being let go. I had done nothing wrong, it was purely cost cutting measures. They promised once they were fully open and up and running I would have my job back. It was like the wind was sucked out of my lungs. My anger took over me. I wanted to throw chairs and make noise, but I couldn't. I was so too angry to even act angry. I left the building and walked down the street and inside the first bar I saw.

So here I am, sitting here staring at this glass. Ready to throw 300 days of sobriety down the drain. Let me self sink into this hole inside me and just disappear into the bottle. I could taste the alcohol on my lips without even drinking it. I could feel the power that small swallow of Whiskey would give me. The way it would stop all the pain. I reached for the glass gripping it in my palm. I could feel the cold condensation cover my hand. This was it, 300 days gone in one simple action. I brought the glass to my lips. Just as I was able to go down the rabbit hole I felt someone place their arm on my shoulder. I sat frozen on my stool.

It was the smell of her perfume that caught me off guard. I turned around and there she way, the love of my life and my true rock. My wife took the glass from my hand. " Your work called me. They told me what happen and were worried about you." She sat down next to me. " I love you. We have come so far. Over so many hurdles. 300 days of sobriety isn't something you throw away. We are stronger together and I need you. Our children need you. These 300 days have given me so much hope for our future. Life will always throw us curve balls, but as long as we have each other we can do anything!"

I looked at her. I could see the hope in her eyes. I pulled her close, whispered "300 days" kissed her forehead and we headed home to face what our future held.